I have been delaying this blog that weighs heavy on my mind. This night was the beginning of a lot of tears, pain, fears, love, friendships, disappointments and most importantly prayers. I feel I have to start here with this blog to get to the other things I would really like to share. This way it all makes sense and you can feel where I’m coming from in a whole different kind of depth. I have been really debating on sharing this “season” of my life I’m living right now, but with a lot of encouragement from friends here is Chapter 1. (thanks, Lorraine & Kent) I will keep sharing what comes next for those of you that are interested.
February 19th…my life changed. Physically and mentally. I was sleeping and rolled over with a small cough (more like clearing of my throat) and I felt this strange feeling in my lower back. I rolled over and thought, “oh great now I’m going to have to deal with this for the next week.” I dozed back to sleep in discomfort then I tried to move again and there was a pain escalating down my left leg. It wasn’t stopping, it felt like a 18 wheeler rolling on my leg. The cramping and excruciating pain was getting nauseating. I instantly cried out to God to relieve this pain. I tried to move to get my husband up but to move made it worse to even talk added more pain. I remember thinking, “oh this is bad and I’m scared.” I got my husband up to help me get out of bed. And I wanted to faint from the pain. I nearly crawled to the bathroom and just sat there thinking I don’t know what to do but pray to God in agony. I sat there pleading, God help! Lord, take this pain away! Please! Please!
Well, this lasted for 3 nights. No sleep, rest or relief. I would call my parents thru the night, every night crying for my dad to give some miracle relief. It’s funny how we resort to our daddy when we are in pain. They have all the safe answers.
On the third day I went up to the Medplus Station 10 minutes before they closed, explained my pain to the doctor and he ordered for me to get two shots in my hips. He said it would help, or in his words “kick in” in about one hour, and if it doesn’t get any better go to the ER. I set my timer on my wrist watch. I was literally counting the minutes and seconds. I left the Medplus at 10pm, so at 11 pm I should be healed! Well, my watch was at 10:59, one more minute, I can endure this for one more minute. It’s funny, I’m telling myself the same thing I always tell my spin class, “we can do anything for one more minute!” I was that desperate and depending on those shots. It turned 11pm, I started to cry, hard! Then I was thinking I had the time wrong, “maybe ten more minutes” I told myself. It’s 3am, the middle of the night I was barely standing against my sliding glass door looking up at the starry night with tears rolling down my face and leaving a small wet puddle on my wood floor, I remember praying to God to just give me a tiny bit of relief, “Lord you don’t have to take it all away just some.” Then at that moment I had a clear enough mind to surrender.
I called Kent from upstairs and told him I needed to go to the ER. My parents rushed over to stay with the boys. I called Sharon my pastors wife on the way there. She prayed for me over the phone, I was scared to finally go the hospital and hear what was wrong. I knew it was bad. When Kent and I got there they kinda just looked at me and thought what the heck did you wait so long for?! The nurses shot me up with every drug you can think of. They numbed my mind of the pain but my back and leg pain truly never went away. But, I was more comfortable being there then at home. I was there for 3 days. I actually didn’t want to come home. They were managing my pain. I was in the hands of professionals.
Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. (ESV)