Friends and Flowers Chapter 7

It’s funny how even now my perspective about things are even changing still. Back in Chapter 2 of my writings I wrote that one of my motivations to get my back surgery was so I could get back in the game instead of sitting on the sidelines. I think about that now after dealing with blot clots, and a pulmonary infarction. All I can say is, I’m so grateful I’m sitting here on the sidelines and I’m able to be here watching my kids play in the game. As, Kent will tease me at times with the saying, “it’s not all about you Tahny!” How true is that?!

For almost 10 months everyone’s questions to me have been, “how are you Tahny?, how’s your back?, are you still on blood thinners?, do you know if they’re gone yet?” Of course, I would answer these questions in the politest way possible. But, I can look at it now and what I really want to say is, “Kent is doing great, this has been really tough for him at times but he has handled things well could you pray for him” and…..”Max is doing ok too, this is scary for him and he is struggling with some things, could you pray for him?” And Rudy, all I can say is I’m glad he’s three. It’s kinda like after a woman has a baby everyone’s focus is now on the baby, not the mother whose body just went through the trauma of delivery. All, you hear is “how’s the baby?”

When I was in the hospital when my lung collapsed, I got a text on my phone that said, “what’s your favorite color?” I wrote back “white.” It’s funny that I instantly wrote white when all my life it’s been orange. Then I proceeded to text, “I love all colors.” Then that was the end of our texting. I was too drugged up to notice that might have been a little odd.

Finally it was time for me to come home from this round at the hospital. I was as weak as I ever been. In two weeks I dropped 24 lbs. It was hard for my mom to even look at me. She would talk to me with her head down and I would have to tell her, “Nellie you can look at me when you are talking to me!” In Nellie classic style she said, “not until you go put some blush on your face!” But, that meant climbing up my stairs so, too bad, so sad Nellie! Actually I was that weak. I remember walking the halls in the hospital wanting to carry my cell phone in my pocket but that felt too heavy and it was weighing me down.

Kent drove in our driveway and through my teary eyes all I see is this beautiful yard filled with flowers of all colors but, mostly white. Max, stood at one side of me holding me up and Kent on the other side. I remember Max grinning ear to ear because he was so proud that he kept this secret from me. He wanted to burst! Me too, then I remember my odd text, “what’s your favorite color?” Ahhh, the Jenness’. Kathy and Kevin Jenness, they planted these flowers for me. Not only did they plant flowers they weeded and watered these flowers for two days. I stood in my yard on that sunny afternoon with my hands clutched in Kent’s and Max’s, feeling the warmth of the sun and love of my friends all at the same time. I was humbled by the out pouring of love from them. Kevin and Kathy took the time to care about me, and show me their love and concern. And, I was speechless. I don’t know if they will ever realize how much this meant to me. There were days when I would be at home not being able to do anything but sit on the bench on my front porch looking at these flowers with a tear rolling down my face every time.

Flowers, everyone will bring you flowers as a sign of their love & care for you. Not, only did the Jenness’ do this for me but so did the two loves of my life. God and Kent. While I was in the hospital Kent planted from seed a row of zinnias in our garden. It was the most beautiful garden I’ve ever had since we lived here. I never knew just how beautiful zinnias really were until this past summer.

Then there were my flower boxes. I never went and bought a single plant this year to place in my yard or boxes. I didn’t have to. We all know that petunias are an annual. But, not at my house this summer. Last year I had planted PINK petunias in my boxes. This year without planting anything there started to grow PURPLE petunias. And they were beautiful. They were full boxes, almost as if I planted too many in one box.

Psalm 23:5 NIV……my cup overflows.

I was awakened earlier this morning by a bad dream. Ick! Then I prayed, “Lord I’m sorry for all the times I haven’t thanked you enough for bringing me through all these situations over the past 10 months. Even though I’m still waiting on my results I know Your Almighty Hand is still guiding and directing every step. I’m on your agenda not mine. I love you, Jesus.” Amen

I have heard of people that have gone through trauma in their life feel like they need to give back. I have never felt so strongly about “giving back” in my life like I do now. I feel like I’m here by the grace of God and I need to share my services to others like everyone has done for me. Going through this journey really has been a beautiful thing. The love, support and outpouring of friendships from even complete strangers has been touching. When I was the in deepest and scary situations I still felt peace. Yes, anxious but calm. There was nothing I could do. The only thing I felt like doing was going in a rolling field and throwing my arms up to God and falling to my knees and worship Him. Then it dawned on me…that’s right where He wants me to be and you. He wants us to realize its through Him we get through the valley. But, until we get there He wants us to be still and look at the valley it’s green, lush, there is flowers being planted for you and me, the valley can be beautiful and peaceful. We all want to be on the top of that mountain and feel accomplishment and full of pride that we’re at the highest peek in our life. We are untouchable. Then we make it there to the top and then we realize it actually is quite lonely there.

I don’t want to be untouchable or feel alone even if it means being on the top. Yes, this journey has not been an easy climb at all. But, I can say whole heartily it has opened my eyes to a new layer of beauty in my life. The value of friendship, family, perseverance, spiritual & physical health and most of all, the level of love in my marriage. I would sternly shake my head “NO” I don’t wish to go through this again. But, I would never have anyone take away what I have learned. And the biggest thing I have learned is, “this truly has been a beautiful journey”

I’m still waiting for my results. My scan was quick and went as excepted. The only issue I had was bleeding through my gauze. The tech had to change it twice, I had to remind her I was on blood thinners!

Thank you to everyone for your prayers, text, emails and phone calls. I can’t believe that so many people care! You all are amazing. My dear friend Becky texted me yesterday apologizing for texting me for fear my phone was blowing up with everyone wondering about my CT scan and the results. Please, don’t think I’m overwhelmed by phone calls or any other contact for that matter. You all deserve to wonder and want to know. I have felt each and everyone of you each step of the way.

I hope to have some answers today. I’ll let you know! Blessings to you all.

Disbelief Chapter 5

Before I was able to come home I needed to have my I.N.R levels up. This is checking how thin my blood is by the blood thinners, Coumadin, Lovenox and Heparin. The doctors wanted my blood reading to be between 2.0-3.0 This is called being therapeutic. I wasn’t reaching the goal. I couldn’t break 1.4 which meant I couldn’t go home. I was devastated. It was a waiting game. I couldn’t eat either. My stomach was a complete knot. Plus, I didn’t know what I could or couldn’t eat so I resorted to a couple bites of hospital oatmeal and water. Then another blood draw….1.6 I could go home. Not as high as they wanted me but I could go home and that was all that mattered.

I called Kent to pick me up. Samantha was still with me and she helped me pack and carry my things down to the lobby to wait for Kent. While waiting in the lobby there was a young girl sitting across from me and she seemed to be autistic. She had an IV in her arm, scars’ on her body, and her teeth were messed up. Then she asked me, why was I there? Her dad looked at her with one eye brow raised and told her not to be rude! I said, “it’s ok and I’m here because I have blood clots in my lungs”…..that was the first time I said it to a stranger and I heard myself say it and thought oh my gosh I have blood clots in my lungs! Then this young lady said she is going to the dentist to get her braces removed and she hopes that she will be able to sing again. Her voice was a little slurred and her words were drawn out. She clearly was not talking that way because of the braces. But, she was convinced once her braces were to be removed her singing voice would be restored. She proceeded to tell me she wanted to try out for American Idol “again” I just shook my head thinking this is really sweet and extremely sad all at the same time. Then she said, she wanted to get ANOTHER golden ticket. She explained that she tried out last season and waited in the long lines and made it thru to the judges and received a golden ticket to go to “Hollywood!” I kept nodding, listening in disbelief. Then I looked at her dad, tears were puddling in his eyes and he looked at me and shook his head yes and said it’s true. This young lady 1 week before Hollywood week was in a bad car accident and hit a huge tree head on. She was extremely fortunate to be alive. She once was a young lady that had her “once in a life time” ticket clutched in her hands then just like that in a quick blink of an eye her life is reverted back to being in the mind of a 5 year old. Her ticket..her golden dream….gone. This young lady could have possible been the “Next American Idol” and all she was excited about that day was getting her braces removed. Her excitement was as huge as if she just got that ticket all over again.

It brought tears to my eyes. She could’ve stood there in the hospital lobby and belted out the most beautiful sound from her slurred and stuttering voice and everyone there watching would’ve declared her a winner. I can only imagine her voice now sounds more precious to her dad then the first time he heard her sing without any flaw. Then she left, and I was left there sitting and being reminded how precious and fragile life is once again. But, most importantly how we plan our own destiny and how quickly God can put the brakes on our plan so fast and turn us down another direction. His direction, His path. Fighting this realization as a Christian sometimes makes it so much worse. We need to just “let go” and “let God.”

God knows us personally, has a plan for us, and allows us to find hope in Him.
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Lord, I’m so glad that no accident, blood clots, or sin can ever removed the Golden Ticket you have given me as being my Savior. Nothing can removed You from me. Nothing.

I was home. Kent had to go back to work. I reassured him it was ok to leave and I’d be ok. But, really I was screaming inside, don’t leave me! I just felt so guilty he was missing work so much. I was by myself for the first time in 6 days. It was quiet. I stood there in my living room weak, looking at the clock thinking Max will be home in 1 hour. I can’t wait to be standing here at the end of the driveway waiting for him. I wanted Rudy home, I wanted to hear him say, “Mommmmmyyyy!” But, I was alone. I turned on the tv to break the silence. It didn’t help, so I went outside there was a slight breeze, I remember thinking I just want to sit down and close my eyes and let the sunshine soak in. But, I was paranoid to sit. You should stay moving to prevent blood clots…..are my socks too tight….how long was I in the car sitting….what time is it, do I need my Coumadin? Does that have vitamin K in? STOP! STOP! STOP! Settle down! Everything is ok…I felt this calmness pour over me. The quiet became peaceful instead of frightening. And the Son was pouring in.

Becky was still in Japan already packed and ready to come home. Derek was in main land Japan when Becky had given me the phone call about coughing up blood. I told her I will keep my phone and FaceTime on the whole time to stay with her. She was very nervous and now concerned she would not be able to come home. If there was ever a time she needed to be home it was now! She had another military wife take her in. Becky explain to the doctor how she has been feeling and what she coughed up. The doc said she wanted to rule out any possible chance of there being pulmonary embolisms. Becky was in disbelief. I was in disbelief. She called me up saying, “Tahny what do I?” “What if that’s what they find?!” I told her they probably won’t find PE’s but, it’s better just to get it checked so it can be ruled out. I stayed with her all night on FaceTime we were typing and talking back and forth through every step, her IV’s, even up to the time she was being rolled in for her CT scan. She would send me pictures so I felt as if I were actually there.

I was waiting for her to type back her results. I was praying that she didn’t have to go through this too. My next writing from Becky was; “I’m on Coumadin for six months” I read those words in disbelief. “Tahny, they said I’m pretty lucky to have such an obvious sign as coughing up blood, what is going on!?” There’s no luck about it. God just sometimes makes things more clear to us then other times. I just don’t understand why her too Lord? The doctor was explaining things to Becky about her new diet she is going to have, what Lovenox shots are and how to do them to herself. But, Becky would talk to her doctor as if she understood all these things way too clearly. Becky let her doctor know that her older sister is going through this exact same thing right now. The doctor looked at Becky and was in shock. Becky explain to her that we weren’t twins but we mirrored each others symptoms. The next thing I know is the doctor is now asking me what dosage of Lovenox and Coumadin I’m on so they can give Becky the same. Becky’s only question was can I fly home? Needless to say they told her “NO!” The same tears of extreme sadness were being shed from across the world at the same time. I just didn’t understand.

Becky’s blood levels got in range, and with a lot of hesitation from the doctors they allowed Becky to come home. My other sister Staci and I were waiting for Becky in the luggage pick up at Detroit Metro. We haven’t seen each other in a year. But longing to be reunited with her since this has happened between us both was different then just a normal reuniting. It felt like I was waiting for my other leg or arm to be rejoined with my body. Then there she was coming down the escalator, I just looked at her for a moment before I started yelling her name, she didn’t look like a 30 year old lady to me, she was my baby sister that I always had to make a sandwich when we were younger. We weren’t even hugging yet but tears were welling in my eyes. Staci and I starting jumping up and down, “Becky! Becky!” Ahhhhhhh the embrace of relief. She was home.

We went to our doctor appointments together, blood draws together, and the genetic testing together. Both of our blood clots are called “Provoked” Becky’s were from oral contraceptives and mine were from my back surgery. So that means an automatic six months of Coumadin for us both. Then we get another CT scan done and see if the clots are gone. Times goes by so quickly, even in the world of Coumadin. After the first couple weeks of adjusting to the medicine, needles, and hundreds of finger pokes you think that time is standing still and six months could never get here fast enough. Then it’s here, well for Becky it is. She gets her CT scan done on her Birthday November 14th at 8:30am. So, please say a prayer for my baby sister today. She is nervous and can’t sleep, laying awake in bed on the other side of the earth from me right now. But, I feel the same nerves that are keeping her awake tonight. Even though my scan isn’t until December I still feel as if I’m getting the test done tomorrow too.

Becky we will be together again soon. Eating desserts, going for a jog, or running a marathon. But, even though we are miles apart the same butterflies that are fluttering in your belly tonight are in mine too today. I love you more then words could ever express. My hand is high in the sky and I’m shouting to you across the world, “PARTNERRRRSS!”

Becky and I after we finished Chicago Marathon

I will let everyone of you know how Becky’s test results came out as soon as I know too. Keep her/us in your prayers.

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